Ten things you should never say to a Black man.

(Disclaimer: When I say Black, I mean those whose ancestors were brought to the USA to be slaves.)

You probably saw it coming since I declared my love and allegiance for my people. There are things I see on television or hear in mixed company that occasionally make me angry. I have especially heard some things during a time when I was the token or "good" Negro. There are some things that some people, not necessarily White, say that they don't know are offensive, but we brothers are offended by them all the same.

Here they are:

1. "Your mother is--"

Unless you are riding a person in the locker room, or on the front porch, or unless you are about to pay a complement, NEVER talk about a Black man's mother. His mother may be sweeter than peach cobbler, or maybe she always gave him the belt or even the 'stention cord, but no one gets a Black man's loyalty more than his mother. Insult her, and a civilized Black man will distance himself from you. A less civilized one will give you a new face, and the worst will bust a cap in your--

2. "Why can't you just pull yourself up by the bootstraps and make something of yourselves? We did, and we made it."

This statement usually comes from a person whose ancestors came from Southern, Central, or Eastern Europe. Some of these same people have a history of discrimination as well. Nevertheless, their oppression was nothing compared to what we experience. In fact, and I may be stepping on toes, but the discrimination these people faced can be equated to college hazing--some suffering a person must experience for a period before they can be accepted into the group. These individuals may have been dark, non-Protestant, and spoke a non-Teutonic language, but they were European and had a potential to become White or at least near-White. In fact, a few people of these groups have committed discrimination, and even hate crimes, to distance themselves from Blacks or to prove how White they are. No matter what a Black man does, he can never be considered anywhere close to White. Because of this, a Black man must work extra hard, be extra moral, and speak extra eloquently in order to get somewhere in America. Frederick O'Neal says it best in the movie Take a Giant Step: "A colored boy must be better than anyone else just to wind up as good as anyone else."

3. "What's up, nigga!"

Unless you are also a Black man, this statement will definitely offend a Black man.  In fact, you may be darker than Wesley Snipes, and some Blacks will still be angered by this statement. The same with any comment pertaining to dark color. It does not matter if you end the word with an a; we will respond the same way as if it ended with an r. There is nothing positive about this word--no matter who says it and why. Just don't say it.

4. "It's okay--My best friend/spouse/neighbor is Black."

This is sometimes related to the third taboo. First, you might or might not be down, but you don't have it like that. Second, how would they feel about what you are saying? Unless they are spineless or content being tokens, they would be just offended as me. You don't have to be down for us to like you. In fact, when you try too hard, you come across as patronizing or even mocking. Just be yourself.

5. "He had to have done something."

This is typically said when a Black man has been beaten or shot by a cop or civilian, but it is very insensitive. Believe it or not, there are racist cops out there who will attack or murder a Black man with little thought, no matter how obliging he may be or how respected he is. Remember how Dr. Henry Louis Gates was arrested and accused of breaking into his own home? This is why all Black men become nervous, even scared, when they are pulled over by cops. They never know if they will be confronted by a good cop or a Klansman in blue. And let's not forget the cop who broke a window over children and tasered a Black man who was not even resisting.

6. "As a Black person, what do you think of…"

Oh, so since I am Black,  I represent all of my people, and we all think the same? This is the no different than saying we look the same. Newsflash: we are individuals, and we have our own beliefs. Believe it or not, there are Black Republicans, Blacks who hate hip hop and soul music, and Blacks who thought Ojay Simpson was guilty. How would you feel if I said, "As a White person…" or "As an Asian person…"?

7. "That's so ghetto."

This comment is more elitist than it is racist. Ironically, celebrities have tried to snuff out the statement , "That's so gay," but "That's so ghetto" is untouched. What makes it so offensive is that it is often said by one who does not know what it is truly like to be so poor that you are forced to live in the slums. They have never been hassled by cops just for walking down the streets. They have never been humiliated enough to be forced to use food stamps. They never have been forced to choose between paying the light bill and paying the rent. They never found thrift store clothes to be a luxury. And, they can take evening walks without having to worry about being robbed, raped, or shot. Typically, they use this phrase to talk about things that are below their standards. The sad fact is, in the 21st Century, Blacks and Latinos are the people who are most likely to live in "ghettoes," so when you call something ghetto, you are latently, unintentional as it may be, stating that Blacks and Latinos are below your standards. So, you heard a Black person use the phrase too? Well, if they grew up in or around depressed urban areas, they have it like that. You don't.

8. "Why are you so sensitive? You are making something out of nothing."

It's nothing to you because you don't go through what we do. Maybe we are so sensitive because the rest of the world is so insensitive. What would happen to you if you sassed a cop? How many interviews does it take for you to get a job? When you do get the job, how confident are you that you had gotten it because of your potential and abilities and not the color of your skin? When do women hold onto their purses when you join them in the elevator? How much do people condemn your anger, as justified as it may be? I was warned once to never lose my temper in front of White people because even justified anger can be used against me in ludicrous ways. If I yell, I am considered a threat. Until you have lived a Black man's life for one week, you will never understand our fears and anxieties. A sociology professor of mine once took all of the White students in the hall and asked them how much money would it take for them to agree to become Black. While one person said, "I'll do it for free," others have asked for millions or billions of dollars, and there were those who said, "Not for all the money in the world." This should tell you something.

9. "You are a man; you have privilege over women."

Hello? Have you been freaking listening? Our being men almost never means anything, and to say this will really work a Black man up. Except for those who are rich, there is not one Black man who has privilege over women--even Black women. All women are more likely to be hired at a job than Black men. They are more likely to be respected, promoted, and supported. They are less likely to be shot by cops, and they can do the exact same crime as a Black man, but they will always get the lighter sentences. The only jobs Black men have privilege over women are those dealing with security or brawn. Besides, how many women, besides Black women, have been kidnapped and brought to this country as slaves or have been subjected to hate crimes? How many hate groups have been created to control and kill women? The fact is, all women have privilege over Black men in this country. Always have, and probably always will.

10. "Why don't you talk/act Black?"

This is often directed towards educated or affluent Black men. While the people who say these things usually don't mean any harm, it is an offensive stereotype that suggests that we are all the same, which brings us back to taboo six. It is very simple: a Black man who wants to get anywhere in America speaks proper English, dresses appropriately, and behaves with self-respect and common sense. While I often use Black expressions, I have no use for Ebonics and filthy language; these are for those who love being ignorant. Plus, it is those who behave the stereotypes who make things difficult for other Blacks. Attaching an ethnicity to a behavior puts everyone in corners, which kills chances for harmony and dialogue.

And now you know. People who know better should do better. 

Conversation with God

A troubled young man has a desperate conversation with God one day.

“Lord,” he says, “If I ask for one thing, surely something a God as omnipotent as You can provide, will You give it to me?”

God answered, “It depends on whether it is good for you and matches My plan for your life.”

“Well,” began the young man, “I was wondering if You could give me a billion dollars.”

“For what purpose would you need this money?” asked God.

“I could use it to help me get so many important things I need in my life.”

“Like what?”

“Well, I could use it to buy a house. A really nice one. With a Bentley in the driveway.”

“My son,” answered God, “You say you need a house and a car, yet you already have them. Are you not grateful for things I have already given you?.”

“All right, never mind those things,” said the man. “But I could use the money for respect.”

“Respect?” teased God. “You can buy respect?”

“Of course,” answered the man. “Everyone knows that money is power. The man with the money has the power and the answers. It’s just like the Golden Rule: ‘Whoever has the gold makes the rules.’”

“Wrong!” reprimanded God. “I make the rules, and the rules anyone else makes must not contradict My 10 ‘Rules’. Besides, the true Golden Rule is this: ‘Do onto others as you would have them do onto you.’ You cannot buy respect, but you can earn it by treating others the way you want to be treated, by serving humanity more than yourself, and by giving more than asking.  This is how you gain respect. Those who think money will buy respect only get fear and false admiration.”

“Okay, I understand,” answered the man. “Now it is time to get serious. I am always lonely, and I don’t want to be alone for the rest of my life. If I had a billion dollars, I’d have a large host of friends and a wonderful wife. Even if I didn't have the fancy house, the flashy car, and even if some people did not respect me, I could still be happy.”

God looked down on this young man with pity. “My son,” He gently chided, “I understand your pain, truly I do. Nevertheless, there have been multitudes that have, for thousands of years, used money to buy friends and even spouses. These same people, who were the richest of the rich, were often the loneliest of the lonely. The people they thought were friends exploited them for their wealth, yet did not help them in time of need. Think about this: if you gained friends with money, what happens if the money runs out? Will not they, too? A true friend will stay with you whether you are rich or poor. As for a wife, if she is truly wonderful, she will love you and be devoted to you for richer or poorer. She will honor you and stay true to her vows. If a woman only marries you for your money, it will be not be out of love and compatibility but out of convenience and a lust for wealth. Such a godless union would be an abomination to Me.”

The man, knowing he could not debate with God, sighed deeply. “Okay, I see what You mean, Lord. Still, if I have not fully exhausted your patience, I just have one more thing to say.”

“Go ahead,” replied God.

“Here’s the deal,” began the young man. “I live in America. Everything costs money. To eat or have shelter, or even to have running water, it costs money. If I had a billion dollars, I would never have to worry about where my next meal would come from, I would never have to worry about losing my job, having my house foreclosed, and living on the street. If I need medicine or surgery, I would not have to worry about insurance denying me coverage, and even though I can’t live forever, I would have the best medical care there is. I would have a long, carefree life. Is that too much to ask, Lord?”

“’My grace is sufficient for you,’” answered God. You say you want to never have to worry about food or shelter, but I say to you, ‘do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink. Look at the birds of the air. They do not plant or harvest, yet I take care of them, and you are worth more than they.’ You want a long life? Well, I sent My Son to die for your sins so that you could not only have a long life, but an eternal one. Therefore, ‘seek first My Kingdom, and all of these things will be given to you. For I know the plans I have for you. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you. They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.’”

The young man was astonished. “Here I am longing to be rich when I was rich all along. Please forgive me for my thoughtless complaints. Thank You for all You have given me.”

“You are welcome, My son,” answered God. “Go in peace.”

The man went away silently, no longer troubled, but in amazement of the fact that he has more riches than he can count.

"Got some spare change, man?"

That is a very common phrase people who live in the city and its nearby suburbs hear on a regular basis. Whether you are in your car, crossing the street, or about to enter your favorite café, one is bound to have a meagerly-clad fellow or woman approach you, hold out a cup, and ask, "May I please have some change so I can get something to eat?"Maybe she is sitting on the ground holding a sign that says, "Hungry. Help," or, maybe he is standing, flashing a sign that says, "I'm like Obama; I just want change," (true story, and I have the picture to prove it.)

When such a person presents him or herself, people like you and me are likely to wonder the following:

"Why can't he find a job?"

"There are shelters and charities; why can't she get help there?"

"I wish this filthy creep would get away from me; if I give him money, I will be funding his alcohol or drug habit."

Trust me, I used to think the same things myself, and I thought it was silly to give some "bum" any of my hard-earned money.  There was a time I had tickets to the circus, and I decided to treat my cousin Putty and her daughter. Afterwards, when we were looking for her car to leave, a homeless man approached us and asked for change. Without hesitating, Putty reached in her pocket and gave the grateful man some money.  I told her that she shouldn't have given him anything as he were likely to use the money to buy alcohol. Putty put me right in my place. "That's between him and God!" she admonished. That humbled me, and I was silent throughout the ride home. I gave it thought, and I knew she was right.

Yet in all my blessings, I never even remotely understood what it is like to depend on the charity of strangers for a mere meal. The closest I ever came was when I was laid off in the summer of 2004--during the first of two horrible recessions of this millennium. I had graduated from college magna cum laude and was a member of an honor society--yet in all my applications and interviews, I could not get a full time job. And then, I was laid off. During that time, I depended on my savings and almost forgot the taste of meat because I had to live off of rice, potatoes, and pasta. I worried that I would find myself on the street, just like the people I had shunned. God be praised, I was reinstated to my job.

 Thus, to answer the question of homeless people finding jobs, let me just say that it is not easy for anyone, but it is worse for a person who grew up poor and without knowledge of resources. Then I became a social worker, and I met my clients, most of whom are unfit for work. When you have a psychiatric, developmental, and/or physical disability,  it is very difficult to earn a decent living, and for those who complain of the money they get from the government, a person who never worked in their lives can expect to receive as little as $721 a month. For Supplemental Security Income, that is the lowest amount each month  Social Security can give a person. If that person never worked, they do not qualify for Social Security Retirement or Supplemental Security Disability Income, so that $721 a month is many people with disabilities have coming to them. That's $8,652 a year. Can you live off of that? These people are forced to every day because, while many people with disabilities want to work, they are either too sick or impaired to work, or employers are not willing to take a chance on them.  For these reasons, many of my clients have a history of homelessness. The sad fact is that a great deal of people who are homeless have some sort of disability--usually a mental illness. Because of this, they do not know of the resources available to them, which means that they are not going to pantries and soup kitchens, and they are not allowed to stay in shelters because they are either unsafe or are unable to behave in an orderly manner and are turned away.  As for housing, unless they can find a group home or subsidized apartment building that caters to people with mental illness, they will find themselves waitlisted for 8-10 years to get on Section 8.

There are those who beg for money who are not even homeless. They have SSI checks and live in transient hotels, yet such hotels in Chicago can cost between $400 and $500 a month--just for a room. They are not even served meals, and up to 12 people are forced to share one washroom. That means, such people are only left with $200 or so for food, medications, and personal items. Therefore, panhandling supplements their income and keeps them from starving.  

If they are not disabled, they are ex-cons. Don't kid yourselves; the majority of people in prison are not there for violent crimes and were never a danger to society. They were imprisoned for drug possession, and they were not caught with enough to be considered dealers. Such people are released from prison and are told to stay out of trouble, yet when they try to get work to start a new life, the employers see that they were convicted of crimes and denied them jobs without asking follow-up questions. As a result, they eventually find themselves on the street as well.

Therefore, because of the political and socioeconomic climate of this country, the disabled find themselves unloved, and the ex-cons find themselves unforgiven--even though they paid their debts to society. Sure, if you give a panhandler money, some will indeed buy a 40 ounce of beer or a dime bag of crack with it, but most of them will buy a burger at McDonalds to nourish themselves or a cup of coffee to relieve themselves from the Chicago winter cold. Do not let a few bad apples make you abandon the whole tree.

I learned my lesson, and I try to keep a few extra dollars available to give to a person  who needs it. (In fact, the money I give comes from a penalty jar at home in which I drop a dollar every time I say a naughty word) If I have the money on me, and the panhandler is not smoking, drinking, obviously high or drunk, disorderly, or accosting, I will give them the money. There are those, by the way, who may appear under the influence, but this is merely a part of their illness. Even if the person I help will use the money to feed a habit, as my cousin would say, "That's between him (or her) and God."  Nevertheless, I always remind myself to give what I can because it is my Christian duty, as Jesus Christ says, "Whatever you do onto the least of these, you do onto me." Hence, when you look into the eyes of a needy person, you see Christ. Remember that when you see that person on the street begging for change. If anything, remember that that same person could easily be you.

Seeing through another person's eyes

This post is in regards to the previous one about my ex-friend Charlie. No, I am not still brooding over what he did to me; instead, the situation has afforded me another moment of clarity. Allow me to tell you a story. Charlie was a chaplain for a local Christian organization I know. The organization needed official clergy to lead certain projects and to serve as an advisor. As Charlie had only been retired for a year, he did not want to permanently commit himself to another full time job. Therefore, he agreed to the job on a temporary basis, and he saw the organization transition from a precarious situation into its golden age.

As Charlie was dying to return to retirement, he cooperated with the hiring process with great humility. Then the organization found a dynamic chaplain with many ideas and talents. We can call him Mike.  They also loved Charlie, as he helped the organization get back on its feet and instilled hope and encouragement to its clients and to those in their community. Because of this, and also because they found themselves with a surplus in funding, they decided to create a part-time chaplain position for him. He almost accepted, but then, when he met with the new senior chaplain, he asked him a question related to a hot-button moral issue in today's society, a question on which the LCMS, with whom this organization, as well as Charlie and Mike, is affiliated, has taken an official stand. Ever true to the LCMS, Mike gave the appropriate LCMS answer. This did not satisfy Charlie, who began to chase after him and grill him further.

When Mike had finally gotten tired and challenged him to determine if his heart is truly with the denomination to which the organization is affiliated, Charlie quit, declaring that he could not work under such an intolerant man. As I volunteered my time to this organization, I was ready to quit too and follow him to his next opportunity, but Charlie would not allow it. He said that he could not stand between me and something I enjoy. Still, Charlie would berate Mike to me every chance I got. He told me to be careful, or Mike would drive me away too. Because of all that happened, I used to resent Mike because I felt he drove my best friend away. Also, I started to see him as a cruel Inquisitor. Hence, I saw in him exactly what Charlie saw in him. I found myself growing increasingly unhappy where I was volunteering. When I left what is now my church again, I had to leave the organization too. When I did, Charlie tried to hide his pleasure. He would then retrieve Mike's convention speeches and chapel homilies from the organization's website, and, while playing them for me, would mock Mike's speech patterns and the words he would say. He would then say that he did not recognize Mike as a minister. Since I would have trusted Charlie with my life, I shamefully agreed with him wholeheartedly. When he laughed at Mike, I laughed. When he scorned Mike, I scorned. Whenever he spoke badly against pastors in line with LCMS values, even though he still had an LCMS collar, I was on his side--because I trusted him dearly!

Then, Charlie and I had our falling out. When he would ignore my emails about returning to St. John, and begin volunteering at the organization again, I started to doubt I had dealt with Mike fairly. When Charlie claimed that we became too close and again judged my dedication to the Absolute Truth, I became shattered. Then, as I pulled myself together, I realized that Mike was not the scorch-and-burn oaf that Charlie made him out to be. He is instead a brilliant, loving leader who wants to reach out to people and help them let Christ save them from the wiles of today's decadent culture. He stands for truth, which is more than I can say for the worldly Charlie, who thinks the Church should placate today's corrupt culture. One thing he needs to learn is that a Christian denomination is like a club. By joining a club, you agree to its rules and customs. If you don't agree with the rules, either ask God to change your heart, reconcile your disagreements, or leave. If you criticize people in the club who obey the rules to the best of their ability, simply because you disagree with the rules, you do not belong in the club.

Charlie simply, by his attitude towards Mike and people like him, does not belong in the LCMS. His true home is ELCA. Unless he can change his heart or make peace with the differences, he would be wise to change denominations before he is put in a situation where he is asked to leave. As for Mike, I judged him falsely, and for that I am terribly sorry.

Far be it for me to ever look at a person through another person's eyes. This is because I will give no one my full trust again. No one. Malcolm X said that he never trusts anyone completely but by percentage. For each person, from now on, that percentage will first start with the bare minimum I absolutely need to trust someone. For someone I just met at a party or on the street, that percentage is 0%. For someone I work with or must collaborate with for a period, 15%. For an acquaintance that I have known for some time, 30%. For someone I love deeply, like my wife or mother, the minimum percentage that I must trust them is 50%. These are the bare minimum percentages for which I must trust a specific person. If my trust for that person drops below these percentages, there is a problem. Tacked onto these are percentages of trust that people have earned. For instance, if I have a coworker with whom I share a good relationship, their earned trust could be 50%, pushing their total trust by me to 65%. This earned trust depends on affirmative answers to the following questions:

1. Do they respect my boundaries?
2. Do they respect my feelings?
3. Do they accept my capabilities?
4. Do they resist having double standards?
5. Have they never betrayed me?
6. Are they willing to make promises?
7. Do they keep promises they made and never entertain or question their promises?
8. Do they give as much as they ask for?
9. When confronted with a wrong committed against another, do they apologize and not make excuses?

The more affirmative answers to these questions, the more trust they will earn.   This means, a person may have 75% trust today but only 40% tomorrow--it all depends on a person's actions, and how they make amends. No matter what, only one Person will have trust over 90%--Jesus Christ. As for everyone else, I will try to trust, but I will be watching. This is because, as a minister can betray me, anyone is capable of betraying me at any beneficial or thoughtless moment. This may seem sad or harsh, but it is the truth.

Another one bites the dust--friendship, that is.

Well, it happened again. I have said goodbye to yet another person I thought was a friend. This was someone I loved dearly and would have done anything for. Heck, I would have followed him to the gates of Hell (and then pull him back of course). But, none of this mattered to him. Eight years, down the drain!

(Sidebar: If you have been following my posts on Facebook, please don't think I am dragging this on; I am just talking it out.)

For some reason, I just cannot keep friends. Things start out well at first; we would be bosom buddies always talking and hanging out. Then, promises are broken. Then, the person is flaky. Then, I try to call them out on their flakiness or distance only for them to put a guilt trip on me. Then, they stop calling. Then, I wash my hands of the friendship and move on.

I used to think that it was me that caused people to abandon me. Sure, I could have outlandish ideas and can be quite emotional. I occasionally would worry that I would wear out the person I was friends with. In retrospect, prayer, and a pep talk from my lovely wife, I realized that the issue was not necessarily with me. I have almost always been good to my friends. I call them (even though I hate telephones), I write to them, I arrange gatherings to hang out with them, I celebrate with them when things are going well, I mourn with them when they are struggling, and I try to help them as much as I could When a friend was having financial problems, I gave (not lent) money to them. I have even done things I knew were wrong in order to help them. In high school, a friend of mine was struggling with her Grammar class, and I let her cheat from my test paper. Not proud of it, but I did it. All I ever asked from my friends was loyalty, devotion, and respect. I once told someone that if a friend would give me 40% of what I give them, I would be happy. The issue with me is, I keep picking the wrong people to be friends. It is often said that a girl who is abused by her father becomes a woman who only date and marry men who are just like their father. In my case, I seem to befriend people who are just like select members of my family. What most of these ex-friends have in common is that they eventually treat me like some kind of primate. They will put me on a pedestal at first, but then they will only play with me when they are bored and their true friends are not around. They will then try to put me in a costume and make it their mission to get me to think the way they feel I should think, rebuking me when I do not. When they finally realize I am a man and not a monkey, they back away.

With this ex-friend, we will call him Charlie, I thought it was different. I knew him for eight years, and we hung out together relatively often, going to each other's houses, going out for a beer, bike riding, and dining. I never thought I would say goodbye to him unless we were putting the other in the grave. I really loved him, and I told him that he was the best friend I had ever known, and he accepted this. I felt comfortable with him because he was a minister. Then this week, he told me that he felt that we had become too close and that our relationship never should have transposed from minister-layperson. He tells me this after 8 fricking years and all that we had been through together! Actually, I am proud of how I responded to his bullcrap; instead of pleading or crying like a punk, I mustered the courage, after hearing him out, to stand up and walk out the door--reserving my dignity.

A little background to this: almost a month ago, I became unhappy with my former church and decided to return to my old church. While he kept saying that the decision was mine, I knew he was displeased with my decision--even though he is not the pastor or have full membership with either of these churches. I tried to explain to him why I needed to leave, but instead of even trying to understand, he just said that I was being legalistic. When I called him on this and that I needed to be validated by friends, he said that a true friend tells the truth. Yes, but a true friend tries to understand first! He then said that the subject was closed, and he did not respond to my emails for weeks. When we met on Monday, he recapped what we were discussing and his opinions on it. When he paused and, shocked, I tried to speak, he picked up where he left off. After concluding, basically, that we should return to a minister-layperson basis, he then tried to change the subject with something lighter, such as whether the wife and I were planning to move.

Two things, beside the dagger in my heart, stuck out from that conversation. First, while he did not use the word "legalistic," he insinuated it to me yet again. Basically, for the years I knew him, every time I said something he disagreed with, he called me legalistic. He barely even asked follow up questions; he just called me legalistic. So quick to judge someone you disagree with! The word legalistic seems to be a term liberal Christians use to reprimand Bible-believing Christian. Year after year of being called this, I start to cringe when I hear it. In fact, legalistic is now a taboo word for me. Use it in my presence, and you will incur my wrath! (Sort of kidding) Another thing: he often accused me of not celebrating my faith and the freedom the Gospel brings. What?! Maybe I don't talk about it the way people do, but I certainly write about it--in my poems and hymns! I celebrate it by defending it from those who are nauseated by it. For him to know for so many years and still tell me that I do not celebrate my faith tells me that he wasn't paying attention and that he sees only what he wants to see!

It is now crystal clear to me that Charlie never wanted to be my friend; instead, it seems that I was nothing more to him than his project. He wanted to persuade me to be the type to lose trust for the superiority of Scripture in order to accept his ideas, and he must have been thrilled to see me disassociate from a man he loathes--a man whose principles, seemingly, are very similar to mine. Yet, when I told Charlie that I was my own person and to accept me as I have accepted him, he knew that his mission failed, and he told me that we were too close. If we were closer than he would have preferred, it is his own fault. I never asked to go to his house--he invited me. In fact, half of the things we did together were initiated by him. Then, when I will not think like him, he throws away 8 years of friendship? My love and loyalty meant nothing to him? Actually, this is not the first time a person tried to make me their mission, only to bail out when I discarded the bait. I am no one's project! I am a man who wants to be friends to people! If I feel I cannot accept a person for who they are, I never get too serious with them.

If I learned anything from this ordeal, it is this: no matter what a person's station is in their life, I will never accept a friendship with them at face value. I will be extra cautious with whom I allow into my heart. Plus, I will only befriend those who can give as much as they take. I will not be shaken again! I will implement the zero tolerance rule with my friends. If someone crosses the line or loses interest in the friendship, I will reach out to them and try patience. But, if they are relentless, that's it!

As for Charlie, he may have wounded my heart, but he did not destroy it. I will let no one destroy me, and those who try to are beneath me! Like Antaeus, the more I am pushed to the ground, the stronger I will become. All of us, especially I, will be judged at the Great White Throne. God will recall this incident, and Charlie will have to explain himself before he enters the Kingdom of Heaven. For now, I just hope that what he gets will be of greater value than what he gave up.

A tribute to my mother

When people put me down, Mom showed me how to look up.
When people, even relatives, insulted and exploited me, Mom came to my defense and put dissenters in their place.
When I couldn't believe in myself, Mom always believed in me.
When I could trust no one, I could always depend on Mom.
When people earned my hate, Mom reminded me that children of God are supposed to love and forgive.
When people sugarcoated things so I could not understand, she was always blunt and direct. Sure it made me angry sometimes, but I always appreciated it.
When I was punished for not going with the crowd, she reminded me of the great things people accomplish by thinking for themselves.

She is one of the very few people who truly get me--and tolerate me.

She is my mother, and I love her dearly. Besides Holy Mother Church, she is the only woman who could give my wife a run for her money (sorry, Agaliha, but you know what time it is  )

I once told her that, if I must pass on one day, I would rather go before her. I still mean that. Without Mom, I would be nothing.

Happy Mother's Day, Mom!

Not getting enough people to accept you? Try bullying!

This is exactly what is going on in this country in the past few years. Because of political correctness, people who perceive themselves to be oppressed groups are given the license to destroy the lives of others simply because they disagree with their beliefs. Don't believe me? Just consider the following facts:

In 2012, Dan Cathy, CEO of Chik-Fil-A, when asked, stated that his Christian beliefs would not allow him to support same-sex marriage. In response, gay rights groups starting getting hot and bothered, planning to boycott Mr. Cathy's restaurants. Rey Colon, an alderman of Chicago (who does nothing for his ward), threatened to violate a city law by blocking the impending building of a Chik-Fil-A in his ward. Of course, he could not stop this work from happening.

This year, Brendan Eich, co-founder and CEO of Mozilla Firefox, was forced to resign because he gave $1000 of his own money to fund the campaign for California's Proposition 8 to ban same-sex marriage. Well, after that Proposition was thrown out, LGBT groups turned on Eich and started creating havoc because he donated money towards his personal cause. As icing on the cake, Sam Yagan of OkCupid was obnoxious and childish enough to block Mozilla Firefox users from OkCupid, giving them instead a message as to what Eich did. I can't believe I found my wife on that site.

Also this year, Mayor de Blasio, boycott New York City's (yes, his own city's) St. Patrick's Day parade, and Guinness, Sam Adams, and Heineken dropped their endorsements of the parade at the exact last minute. Why? Because the organizers of the parade did not allow gay rights and pride floats. Why is this such a big deal? Do they allow African-American pride floats? Do they allow people to march with signs for rights for short people or rights for women? This is about one specific culture--not gender or sexuality. We listen to all of these issues all year around on television, the radio, the newspapers, on the street, at work, and at school. Parades are a time for people to relax and have fun. St. Patrick's Day is a day for Irish pride and to celebrate the conversion to Christianity in Ireland. For anything other than this to be brought to the table is ludicrous.

Next, Donald Sterling made a private conversation on his private phone, in the privacy of his own home, expressing his distaste that his prostitute-on-retainer posed with Magic Johnson in an Instagram, and he told her not to bring blacks to his games. The POR recorded Sterling and sent the audio clip to the press. As a result, he had to pay a $2.5 million fine, is banned for life from all Clipper events, and will be forced to sell his ownership of the Clippers. So many African Americans cheered this decision, and a relative of mine called me disillusioned because I said that Sterling was the real victim for having a private conversation leaked to the press.

And finally, the big news since yesterday, David and Jason Benhan had their reality Flip It Forward cancelled from HGTV because they were outspokenly against same-sex marriage and abortion--thanks to a report given by the Right Wing Watch, or what they should more accurately be called, the Left Wing Nazis.

So, what we have here in nearly all of these cases, innocent people are being humiliated and destroyed--simply because their beliefs differ from those who are politically correct or those who benefit from expressing how oppressed they are.

I just have a few questions: Did Sterling, Eich, Cathy, the Benhan brothers, or the parade organization deny housing to gay people? Jobs? Are they members of hate groups? (By hate groups, I mean groups that deliberately talk about people as subhuman and joke about killing or enslaving people). Did these men even make a threat of violence against the African American and gay communities? No, right? Then why do you want to take away their livelihood? Why do you want to demonize them and make them lose face? If you think you are gaining acceptance, you are wrong. You are just making people hate you even more, and any concessions people give you will be because they are afraid of you. But if you look all over the internet in North America and Europe, that fear is starting to wear off (Who knows? Maybe the person who kowtows to you the most is spewing the most hatred against you online--anonymously). And when fear of a person who benefits from said fear wears off, hate and resentment are next. Don't believe me? Why is Tea Party membership growing?

Now, let's look at this from a practical perspective--one that I learned in high school: no one has to accept you. Did you just read that? NO ONE HAS TO ACCEPT YOU!!! A basic right endowed to us by God is free will. We can accept and reject anyone we want, and to punish people into accepting you is impractical for five reasons.

1. It is just childish. For watchdog groups to focus their energy tracking money people give to political campaigns and tracking and attacking those who are bold enough to express their personal beliefs is a travesty. If they put that much hot air in the economy, maybe we could get our national surplus back. They could find those 200 Nigerian girls kidnapped. Get my drift?

2. It is unhealthy. Think about it; can you spend all that rage against those who don't approve of your culture, DNA, or lifestyle day after day and still be happy? Can anyone be happy spending so much time looking for and destroying those who disagree with you?

3. It will not change the hearts of those who disagree with you. Sure, most will be careful what they say around certain people, but online or when they are in the company of similar thinkers, you can well believe that they will call outrageous or unmanly actions "gay" and they will joke about the three things a black man cannot get (a black eye, a fat lip, and a job). It is like my mother used to tell me: "You can stop someone from calling you a n*gger, but you cannot stop them from thinking of you as one."

4. Related to #3, it will only create more enemies. After all, when you harass a group of people for their beliefs long enough, all it does is make your group a thorn in their side--a thorn they will want to remove any way possible. Plus, you turn those you have ruined into heroes and poster children for a movement of real intolerance. History has shown us that when an era becomes so liberal that liberalism becomes a contradiction in terms, people become sick of it and the havoc is causes them. This is why I predict that, in 20 years, the mainstream will become so fed up with the PC police wrecking this country that they will elect any madman they can find to end it. When that happens, America will be flung into a Holocaust, in which the main targets of the regime will be the victicrats and their unwilling affiliates. When that day comes, the main ringleaders will be finished. Then what will become of the "progress" you have worked for? And if you don't believe me about the coming Holocaust, let me remind you that, in politics and social mores, the German Weimar Republic was practically identical to the way America, Canada, and parts of Europe are now--before Hitler came to power.

5. It neglects the fact that everyone has some "bigotry" in them, and that their bigotry shines when they are anonymous or in private. Yes, African Americans can be bigots. Just look at Khalid Mohammed, Louis Farrakhan, and Abasi Malone are racist against Whites, Jews, Mexicans, Asians, etc. And as for gay people, yes, even they can be bigoted at times. Don't believe me? Did you know that the lesbian poet, Gertude Stein, was a Social Darwinist? Did you know that Willie O'Keefe, the gay man associated with the group that opposed JFK, and was in prison for male prostitution, hated Blacks? Mike Jeffries, a gay man who is the CEO of Abercrombie & Fitch, has a problem with Blacks, Latinos, fat people, and anyone he deems unattractive? And let's not forget one more thing; those who cheered when Cathy, and the Benham brothers were denounced and humiliated are bigoted against Evangelical Christians. There, I said it. I will say it again: THEY ARE BIGOTED AGAINST EVANGELICAL CHRISTIANS!!! Open your dictionary. Look up bigot. Does it not say that a bigot is a person who hates or blatantly refuses to tolerate a person or a group of people for who they are, what they are, or what they stand for? When you target and disenfranchise a person because they are standing for what they believe in, you are a bigot. Eich, Cathy, and the Benham's are not bigots. They disenfranchised no one. Eich and Cathy did not investigate and fire people who worked for them who might belong to the LGBT community. The Benham brothers are not Nazis or Klansmen.

All this being said, it does not matter who or what you are; there will be those who will disagree with you or just not accept you. Still, why let it bother you? Why stoop to the level you have ascribed to them? There are people who do not accept me for being predominantly African American, just like there are those who will not accept me for admitted I have mixed blood. So what? As long as they don't try to stab me or keep me from working or living my life, they can reject me all they want.  I am married to a White woman. Some people will not accept our union as being valid. I don't care! Why? Because I know that our marriage is valid because we were married in the House of God and according to His Standards. I also know that this is the woman God has chosen for me. Even if the whole world opposed us, I am not going to even try taking on the world because I know that it will only exhaust me, and I will not win. Besides, while I do not know the hearts of the men I have mentioned, it is very possible that, while they do not accept or agree with some factors of the LGBT community, they can still accept an individual person who is gay. There are things about my wife that I disagree with, and vice versa, yet we can still accept and love each other as husband and wife--and we do. Therefore, if a person does not accept you, do not try to punish them with your proverbial fist; instead, try to win them with your love. For this, be fair, and do not dehumanize those who disagree with you. I might step on toes here, but for a gay person to go after an Evangelical Christian for decrying same-sex marriage is like an Israeli soldier who survived the Holocaust shooting a Palestinian for refusing to recognize the State of Israel. It is like Gandhi said: "You must be change you wish to see in the world." In other words, if you want acceptance, ACCEPT. If you want tolerance, TOLERATE. If you want respect, RESPECT. And if you want love, LOVE. Live and let live. It's as simple as that.

Sources (randomly listed):

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2358998/Black-tuxedos-Abercrombie-Fitch-CEO-Mike-Jeffries-bans-color-doesnt-fit-preppy-look.html

http://www.usatoday.com/story/life/tv/2014/05/07/hgtv-nixes-benham-brothers-series-anti-gay-extremist-abortion/8810393/

http://www.christiantoday.com/article/benham.brothers.hgtv.firing.theres.agenda.america.silence.christian.beliefs.video/37335.htm

http://www.cnn.com/2014/05/09/us/nba-donald-sterling-audio-recording/

http://www.afjustice.com/

http://www.thurj.org/files/PDFs/v6-1/beyond_words.pdf

http://www.forbes.com/sites/clareoconnor/2014/03/19/chick-fil-a-ceo-cathy-gay-marriage-still-wrong-but-ill-shut-up-about-it-and-sell-chicken/

http://www.forbes.com/sites/tonybradley/2014/04/05/backlash-against-brendan-eich-crossed-a-line/

http://www.motherjones.com/mojo/2014/04/okcupid-ceo-donate-anti-gay-firefox

http://www.slate.com/blogs/weigel/2014/04/08/no_sam_yagan_and_okcupid_aren_t_hypocrites_for_boycotting_mozilla.html